First Cigars

I bought my first cigar shortly after I turned 18. A friend and I zipped to a local cigar shop after school, and purchased two sub-three dollar cigars. We left the shop in a mild fit of anger, on account of not being carded.
We enjoyed the ciggies two days later at the arboretum, a smoke-free facility. Since the day was a cold Novemberboi, we were freezing our tits off, but couldn't rip fatties in our cars. Therefore, we ventured deep into the interior. First, we set up camp on a bench, but it was too close to the path, so we went even deeper. We rambled into the woodland trails, and sat down on a long log. A Californiaboi & a Georgia lad were also in attendance, but did not partake, since they were not of age at the time.
I enjoyed mine with a cup of McD's black coffee. Went to our gay-arse school, and felt like real "g"s. Stupid and [removed for the sake of modernity].
This is a cringey snapshot into the graduated process of adolescence among the suburban youth.

Christian Minecraft: The Story Begins...

All Good Stories begin with a Prologue.  

This one's just a bit different.

     It was a few nights before The Last Jedi would come out. Tired and fed up with Hause's Jewish Tricks on 2Builders2Tools, Hair_Juan and Gold3nlox set out to find a new and improved Anarchy Minecraft Server; one where lagless gameplay was mandatory and a 2 hour queue, or even the word queue, was unheard of. After a brief search on the interwebs, Hair_Juan stumbled across what appeared to be a gem; MineWind.com. Without any more trouble, the two savvy misadventurers set off to establish their malice and will to dominate across this new realm.

     SPAWN
Much unlike 2b2bt, when our ruddy and handsome players first logged on, they found themselves not in a world of devastation, but in a rather organized, layed out, stable Castle of sorts, one which seemed to house protection to all those within it. Quickly, this grew boring, and there were no items available, so the two set off to find what could only be considered true spawn, X:0, Z:0. After a short benign frolic, the fabled 0,0 was found, but also unlike 2b2t, the griefing that had occured there was quite minimal, a disappointment, really. Since nothing more could be effectively conducted here, and our players were beginning to grow hungry, an expedition away was formed and the two were off once more.

   NIGHT ONE
Crepers, Skellingtons, Zombois, and Spidders were galore! "Into the dirt!" screamed Hair_Juan to avoid these foul things. But Hair_Juan was too slow; he had to many fried beans that morning, for before he could dig, a Creper snuck up behind him and said I have found you Hair_Juan now I will blow you up! And the Creper Explodeded and there was many fire and and a loud boom like New Clear Bomb and Gol3nlox said Oh know my buddy Hair_Juan is gone I must dig and hide from these crepers before it is too late. So Gold3nlox hid in the dirt when he discovered that Hair_Juan and he could teleport to each other and Hair_Juan was back and they were no more scared of the crepers as much.

  THE FIRST BASE
The next day the buddies set out further away from spawn and no more needed food because they could teleport and it went smoothly. The players were devout and religious and so they were able to  walk on water with their faith and crossed a great ocean known as the Ocean of Great and passed an Ice Plains Spikes Biome but there was no silk touch pick and so they kept going until they found a JUNGLE BIOME!!!1!!11! "Look there is Jungle Biome" said Hair_Juan. "Yes I see the Jungle Biome" said Gold3nlox "But is it safe" he thought. The two made their base on this island and set their homes up and planted many melon and wheat seesd when they discovered that this Jungle Island had super soil that made their food grow extra fast when night came and Hair_Juan said "Look there is too much shrubbery on this island so I will burn it down with flint and steal!" "AhH! Said Gold3nlox "There is too much woood to go to waste so let me chop it down first" So Gold3nlox started chopping down wood and Hair_Juan went underground to go find flint and steal. He found flint and steal before Gold3nlox finished chopping wood and so Gold3nlox did many tree dances that night to chop down all of the wood he could before teh forest burned down but Hair_Juan did sloppy job and so there was many wooods still in the air which they had to clean up later.

     SURVIVING
The Crepers did seem not spawn when there was light so the two placed torches everywhere on the island they could when Hair_Juan found an ocelot and said "Well hello there fine ocelot you seem like a very nice ocelot so I will make you my pet but I don't know how to tame you!" So Hair_Juan went to the Rusty Trusty minecraft wiki where it said he needed fish. "Aha!" He said, "I need a fish to tame you!" So Hair Juan crafted a fishing rod and went on a fishing journey and Gold3nlox said "Screw mining for the diamonds and buildun house" and went fishing too but got bored easily and went back to mining the diamond and buildun house. Soon Hair_Juan had enough fishies to tame the ocelot and it became a siamese cat and followed Hair_Juan everywhere he went.

     THE FRIENDLY TIME
Soon good news of Hair_Juan and Gold3nlox's base on the Jungle Island spread and a person named Bikia said "Hello Hair_Juan and Gold3nlox I would like to come to your base on the Jungle Island and make food and mine and find the dianmond and buildun house with you." and Hair_Juan said "oh okay" and Bikia joined. then, legolas3703 joined and said "hello I am new to mycraft but I am wanting to learn how to do the find the dianmond and buildun house and can I join you too>? and Gold3nlox said "um okay" and legolas3703 joined. Pretty soon the island was getting full and everything was done So Gold3nlox built a king's supply of noteblocks and began making the tune for "Ni🅱🅱a We Made it" by Drake and Soulja Boi because Gold3nlox was a player of culture.

     THE NETHERING
"What's that over there?" Said Gold3nlox as he looked up from his noteblocks and saw a sparse peninsula covered in sand. So Gold3nlox went over to the peninsula and saw that it was empty and decided to build a swastika in the sand since this was still the friendly time and the swastika is a universal symbol of peace. Then Hair_Juan said "I want to go to the nether." Hair_Juan saw the swastika and thought it would make for an excellent place to build a nether portal and then went into the nether and said "There are no tunnels here and I am too lazy to dig them so I will go back." and then he went back.

     Sometime later, Gold3nlox had finally succeeded at doing the find the dianmond and buildun house and so he took the diamond pickaxe and dug into the nether so far that no one could see the end and then built a portal out of the nether. "Where am I now?" Gold3nlox said and he saw that he was very far away. "I should build a new base far away in case the Jungle Island gets destroyed" thought Gold3nlox. "But I will have to do it later..."

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!1!11

Return to University: Day 1 of Hiding Power Levels

>Be Me
>second semester at university
>managed to get all my classes on one day, so it's gonna be a pretty busy day
>get to first class; it's a math class. professor is a typical math professor

>sit down at a table and pull out my sexy duel-boot Lenovo Ideapad
>It's bigger, faster, and stronger too

>girl across the way judgingly stares at my Initial D sticker on the back cover
>I in return judgingly stare at all her basic white girl stickers astrewn with no organization whatsoever across the back of her 
>Room is literally 30 degrees warmer than the rest of the building
>everyone has broken out in sweat by the end of class
>fastforward a few classes
>teacher is now a Turkish Grad student from *Cough* Constantinople *Cough*, except, she doesn't call it that. 
>Guess I'll have to wear something over my "Make Istanbul Constantinople Again" Shirt in that class

>Make it to Spanish Class
>Somehow tested out of 3 levels of Spanish; I can understand it pretty well, but I'm crap at speaking it
>mfw the entire class is going to be spoken in Spanish
>mfw the teacher looks at me and pretty much says she doesn't have a clue how I got into this class and I'll have to work my tail off if I want a passing grade
>mfw Idk if I can drop the class without losing money but I'm too stingy to lose even 10% so I decide to stick with it
>get to writing
>teacher is that girl who got a job at the library and reads or watches Netflix all day
>"Okay, I want to get to konw all of you better, so let's play a game where you all tell me who you would eat dinner with if you could eat dinner with anyone, alive or dead!"
> HITL-- NO, STOP, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT
>mfw I realize the first person my mind goes to is Hitler
>THINK OF ANYONE OTHER THAN HIM
>I've got it!
>"purely for the meme, I'd eat dinner with Nicholas Cage"
>No reaction whatsoever
>shucky darns, This is a great way to start

All in all it should be a halfway descent semester. I dropped out of Spanish so  everything is looking good... for now